If Your Right Arm Causes You to Sin...

My whole life I've struggled with worry and over-planning the future. Choosing a college was so difficult for me even... and I was only choosing between two. My mind would just race when I would start to make a decision... "What if I don't like it?" "What if it doesn't turn out to be how I hope it will be?" and the one thought that always came up... "What if I don't find my future husband?"

As I grew older and started to know more of what I wanted to do with my life, this thought started consuming and controlling me: "What if I don't find my husband?....What if I don't do something right and I miss the chance to meet my husband?" ...as if I were the one in charge and in control of when, where, who, how, and why I meet the man I will spend my life with. I am not in control; God is.

I started to figure out that I was trying to plan my husband, every aspect of him, my own way. I was thinking about how we would meet at the right moment (probably in college), and we'd get married the fall after I graduate and it would just be the most amazing thing. I had three different Pinterest boards for my future love life: "Here comes the bride", "Bling, bling", and "Someday". One for my wedding, one filled with rings I thought were amazing, and one for cute date ideas and cute engagement pictures for the period of time before we got married... It was crazy. I felt pressure to meet this amazing man at this exact point in time... so much weight was just pressing on my shoulders. At the same time though I just kept feeling God nagging at me. What I was doing wasn't right... I wasn't trusting God with everything.

"And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from His glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus."- Philippians 4:19

I lost sight of the fact that God provides for all of my needs. He knows the desires of my heart and doesn't just push them to the side like they don't matter to Him. I needed to change in order to stop trying to plan my future and give it all to Him.

First I deleted all of my Pinterest wedding boards. It was such a stumbling block for me. I was planning a wedding without even dating anyone, and that did not feel right. "And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go to hell." (Matthew 5:30)..... Pinterest was my right arm, it caused me to sin, I cut it off from my life. It was not easy, but it was worth it. I am no longer tempted to plan a wedding that I don't know anything about. God is in control of that and every other part of my life, and I would not change that for anything. 

Another reason I chose to delete all romance Pinterest boards I had was that I did not want my future husband to look at this and feel a pressure to be the man in that picture, to look a certain way to do certain things... I didn't want to design and change the man God made specifically for me. That's not who I am. I'm not a controller, I'm not a perfectionist, and I didn't want to be in that aspect of my life. I want the man I marry to be himself because that is who God made him to be. My amazing Man.

In order to begin focusing more clearly on the man God has already chosen for me
I started a journal full of letters to my future husband. When I start to feel lonely or I can't get my mind off of my future I sit down, pray, and write to the love of my life. I plan to give my husband this journal on the night before our wedding as my gift to him. I've poured into this and it is a constant reminder to me of the amazing man God has planned for me.

It has taken so much weight off of my shoulders to give my future and the planning to The Lord. I am free to live my life serving Him and He will bring the love of my life to me in His amazing timing.

"But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." Matthew 6:33-34